Review: If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin

Cw: suicide attempts, death, grief

Y'all, I started and finished this book in one day. And while I didn't cry somehow (prob because I'm sick), emotionally I totally did. This book follows two friends who fall out before high school, but their lives are still intertwined because their families are neighbors and friends. Oh, the ANGST. When they finally admitted their feelings to each other, I knew what would happen and my heart HURT. This book hurt me and I need 3-5 business days to recover.

I struggle with mental illness, just like Autumn. And it took my high school years away from me, and a lot of my memories of high school are blurry bc of mental illness and trauma. So I was able to resonate with her, along with having had feelings for a best friend (he's no longer in my life for a variety of reasons). The ending I was able to resonate with as well, because of my own history with suicide attempts. Laura Nowlin writes that experience really well. At every turn I wanted to scream because I knew those feelings. I knew that heartache. And while it tells you at the beginning what happens, it doesn't quite prepare you for the heartache.

This may just be one of my favorite books this year.